In Memory of Vahid Aminian, 1962-2000

Eulogy given at Vahid’s funeral in Glendale, AZ, on July 15, 2000, by Frank Vahid

My name is Frank Vahid. My wife is Amy Vahid, and our three kids are Eric, age 9, Kelsi, age 6, and Maya, age 2. I introduce my family because Vahid Aminian was the sixth member of this family, a member ever since Amy and I started our family in 1988. There is no common term that describes his place in our family – best friend, uncle, brother – no term does justice. Vahid helped us raise our kids, and was a dear friend to each of us. I am honored to be able to say a few words about our dear family member.

First, I’d like to apologize to Vahid for not wearing shorts to his funeral. We know that’s what he would have wanted, but we had to compromise a bit, so I at least wore tennis shoes. Those of you who knew him know why. Vahid did not own a suit, and even if he had, he probably wouldn’t have known how to put it on.

Also, I apologize to Vahid because we know he thinks we should have setup a basketball game today, since all the guys from his company that he played with are here.

I could talk about Vahid forever, but Amy and I decided that there were six qualities that we felt most distinguished Vahid as a human being – six qualities that Amy and I ourselves have tried and will continue to try to emulate in our own lives. These qualities were part of why we felt Vahid was the most wonderful human being we knew. These six qualities were: (1) Living simple, (2) Serving others, (3) Focusing on kids, (4) Letting the kid inside him live, (5) Befriending anyone, and (6) Caring deeply about other humans.

I’ll start with living simple. Those of you who knew Vahid knew he had few material belongings. He was acutely aware of the misguided exscessive attachment to material things that characterizes much of society, and he avoided becoming a part of that. In fact, he’s one of the few people I knew that could and often did put all of his belongings in a car to move – and a small one, a VW Golf, at that. We were with him once when someone asked him why he didn’t buy some nice furniture or more clothes. His answer, which has stuck in our heads for years, was simply: “Because I’m not trying to impress anyone.” Because he wasn’t trying to impress anyone. If you knew him, you know how very true this was. He never tried to impress anyone or elevate himself above others. He was incredibly down to earth.

The second quality we thought distinguished Vahid was service to others. This list is endless. He was a member of the Big Brothers organization for many years. He made games that he took to carnivals and let kids play for free. He actively supported the various Baha’i activities of his Baha’i community. We believe he holds the record for having helped the most people to move something, build something, fix something, clean something, setup something, or paint something. He helped invididuals, and he helped at large Baha’i events – always a silent helper, never expecting recognition or something in return – although he’d gladly accept a number one combo from Burger King. He also served his company, Entranco, incredibly admirably. Guys, we tried to get him to take off work more often so he could be with us more, but he always spoke of his responsibility to the company. After his passing, we found out from his boss that Vahid always refused individual pay raises or bonuses, instead insisting that the money be distributed to all the employees.

The third quality was his focus on kids. He believed kids were of primary importance, and devoted much of his attention to them, showing them sincere respect and interest. Kids recognized this immediately. We never met a kid that didn’t adore Vahid instantly. A few months ago, he was with us at Amy’s cousin’s college graduation party at their house. Many people didn’t even realize he was there, because he spent about 4 hours straight with the kids in the backyard – he’d got them playing a game of baseball with some makeshift items that they’d found. As for his relationship with our own children, he unconditionally loved them, and always praised them, talked with them, and listened to them. He was a huge help to us in raising them. We could ask him to do anything, and we never felt it was a burden on him. We believe he holds the world record for the most diaper changes and bathroom accompaniment trips by an unmarried male.

The fourth quality about Vahid was that he kept the kid inside himself alive. He loved to play. He would play anything – basketball, volleyball, baseball, soccer, swimming, cricket, ping pong, tennis, and all sorts of games that he made up or brought from far off places. For example, our entire neighborhood now loves to play an Indian game called Karim, thanks to Vahid. Vahid loved competition, but knew winning wasn’t important. Instead, he always made sure everyone who wanted to play did play. Another story I’d like to share. When I had business travel, we always called Vahid and asked if he could come along, something he did several times. He came with me to Taiwan a few years back. He came with me to a meeting with several Taiwanese computer chip design researchers. During conversation, he brought up the subject of ping-pong and its popularity in Asia. The researchers boasted that they even had a ping-pong table in their research lab. “Can I see it?” Vahid asked. “How about a game?” he asked next. The next thing I knew, our research meeting had turned into a 2 hour ping-pong tournament. And Vahid beat everyone.

The fifth quality that Amy and I wanted to share was how Vahid would befriend anybody. He was so sincere and down to earth. He would approach anyone, without fear – Amy and I often thought he might get us into trouble, but our fears never came true – people always warmed up to him. They sensed his sincerity. For example, our family, which includes Vahid, went to China in 1993. Amy and I were a bit nervous about going to a Communist Country, and when the first thing we saw when getting off the plane was Chinese soldiers, we turned to our 2 year-old Eric and said “Behave” as we waited in the immigration line. Vahid, on the other hand, had no fear of the soldiers. Instead, he waved one of them over, and pointed to the big red star on the soldier’s hat that symbolized communist China, and gave it a thumbs up. The soldier smiled. Then Vahid pointed to his own baseball cap, and pointed to the Chicago Bulls emblem on that hat, with another thumbs up. This time the soldier not only smiled, but returned the thumbs up. They even switched hats for a picture. That was classic Vahid. That was **classic** Vahid.

The last quality that we wanted to share was that Vahid was extremely caring of other humans, and sincerely concerned about the plight of other human beings, both globally and individually. Almost every day, he would send us an email or tell us about the suffering of people in other countries. He went to Africa himself in 1998 and returned with an even deeper compassion for how hard life is for many people outside the U.S., and how unaware most of us are of this fact. He was deeply concerned with how he could help, and tried himself to help in many ways. Not only was his concern on a global level, but also an individual level. To how many of you did Vahid listen to your stories about an illness or loss you were suffering through – I’m sure many. He listened and asked questions with sincerity, almost as if he hoped this would help alleviate some of the burden on the individual, as Vahid took on some of the burden himself. I have a story on this too. He came with us to help a Baha’i community in California hand out flowers to a nursing home. While the others spent 45 minutes inside, Vahid never made it in. Instead, he stopped to say hello to an elderly man sitting outside, and ended up spending the entire 45 minutes talking with that one man. When we left, Vahid knew everything about this man’s life, his spouse, his kids, and so on. This was Vahid. This was Vahid.

These six qualities that I mentioned, to Amy and I, made Vahid the most *human* human being, the most real and down to earth, and most admirable human being we knew. His perspective on life had a deep influence on us. We will remember Vahid often – so many things remind us of him. There are of course the big things that remind us of him – like places we visited together, including 16 states in the U.S., and countries like China, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Japan, Macau, Italy, Canada, and others. But also, there are the countless little things that will remind us of Vahid. Like an elevator button, for example, since with each of our 3 kids, he would so patiently lift them and wait for them to push the button when they were only a few years old. Or like watermelon, since I remember when Eric was 3 years old, and Vahid gave Eric the sweetest part of the melon he’d just cut up, taking the less sweet edge-piece for himself – even though Eric at his age couldn’t tell the difference between the fruit and the rind. Then there’s Buicks, because Vahid used to just out of nowhere, while we were driving along, say that name when he saw one, but pronounced the way it was pronounced in his home country: “Booeek.” Or bowling, since he used to talk using our kids first attempted words – and Kelsi used to say “Boding,” so Vahid would say things like “Do you want to go boding?” So many things will remind us of him. But most of all, we will think of him every time we look at our kids, because he was such a significant influence on them, having helped raise them as I mentioned at the beginning. And for that, we are thankful. Thank you, Vahid.